WAG Toni Poole's other half is Chelsea and England captain John Terry

Kazakhstan v England, World Cup qualifier Group Six, Saturday, KO 4pm

5 June 2009

Hey, I know this one – she’s John Terry’s missus isn’t she?

That’s right – and the mother of his twins.

Hey, I’ve always wondered. Do you reckon she calls him captain when they are. . . being intimate?

Probably not. You grubby person. They’ve known each other since way before he won the armband for Chelsea and England.

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I see. What else do you know about her?

Well, she’s a former beautician and she and JT met when he was 18. They married in June 2007, Lionel Richie sang and it was all captured forever by OK! magazine.

How romantic. Do you think she’s from the south coast?

No, she’s from Dagenham. Wait, just because her name is Poole...

I suppose so. I once knew this American bloke called Tex, but he wasn’t from Texas.

Why was he called Tex then?

Well, he was from Louisiana. What else were they going to call him – Louise?

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