Virtual adultery and cyberspace love

Prev

• 
• 
• 

Next

View gallery

Has anyone noticed how this online, multi-user, virtual­-reality­, have-a-12-strong-cyber­orgy-while-watching-Corrie age in which we live hasn’t, you know, actually advanced­ us at all, sexually?

Sure, with Second Life, we can have limitless virtual affairs­ using online “avatars” with buttocks that could bend iron. But isn’t everyone just sitting at home, on their own, gawping at pixels, and fidgeting­? It’s just online abstinence­– and there’s nothing­ virtual about it.

For more proof, look no further than tonight’s rather excellent Virtual Adultery and Cyberspace Love – the latest in the sublime Wonderland documentary­ strand.

First, we meet Lee and Carolyn­. They’re a married American couple – but only virtually. In reality, their marriage­ doesn’t mean a lot, as Carolyn has been online 14 hours a day for the past eight months with another man, while her husband looks after their young children.

She may be seeing this man only in Second Life (in reality, a British guy called Elliot with sad eyes and awkward arms), but isn’t that a bit like saying you’re getting your rocks off only by communicating with someone via the electronic signals of a “tel-e-phone”?

Of course, we get a lot of guff about how they can “be themselves” online.

Which is fine if, in the case of Carolyn, you’re willing to subscribe to the notion that the “real her” is a 7ft dominatrix sex-monster­ with an outfit­ that was applied by felt-tip. Or Elliot­, who wears nothing but jeans, a sword – and two Uzis. Can you imagine­ putting that on a dating site?

“I like going to the cinema and seeing friends down the pub – but I like to think the real me as someone who walks about heavily armed, bare-chested and prepared for a ninja ambush.” I’m guessing the response rate would be low.

Next, the sex. It’s a sad affair where, yes, they can move their online people and type sweet nothings to each other. But you can’t help but feel it’s a bit like a puppeteer getting off by rubbing Sooty against Sue. On a sex line.

“95 per cent of sex is in the head,” says Carolyn, confidently. Which may be true, but that’s a bit like saying 95 per cent of the car is in the metal. Without the tyres, you’re screwed. Or not, as the case may be.

We do get the nice side, too. The other main case study looks at Steve and Kristen, a frumpy British couple who  started their relationship online­, but consummated it in real life. And then got married­– virtually – and later in reality, too. I bet even they get confused sometimes.

Finally, of course, Carolyn plucks up the courage/gall to hop on a flight (much to her husband’s muted despair) and meet Elliot­ in real life. Cue the most awkward date in the world (you’d imagine the presence of a camera-crew doesn’t help) as they fidget their way through sentences and end their weekend with quiet despair­. And no sex. Which just shows: virtual­ love really is virtuous.

Virtual adultery and cyberspace love, BBC Two, 9.50pm