Living with? The Cheeky Girls

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It’s a contrived documentary which pushes the boundaries of brain-free TV – Stuart McGurk might have just stumbled upon a modern classic.

I know, I know – you’ve taken one look at that title and ­immediately decided to chew off your own hands, just so the resulting lack of digits will leave you unable to prod as far as Living ever again. Right?

Well, tough luck stumpy, because there’s nothing else on, so I’m going to review it anyway. Plus, now you can’t turn the page. Hah!

Besides, Living with… The Cheeky Girls (the start of a new Living with… series) is actually brilliant. For all the wrong reasons, of course.

Taking a behind-the-scenes look at the Cheeky Girls “as you’ve never seen them ­before” (with clothes? Talent? Nope, the answer seems to be: with matching boob jobs), half the fun comes from watching the production manfully strain under the weight of nothing happening. The other half – when things do happen – comes from watching Lembit Opik, who’s manfully straining with reality.

First, the lack of incident. Now living in Rye and, ­according to reports, bankrupt, we watch the girls go sunbathing. They “argue” (well, talk) about where the least windy spot is. Then they “argue” (talk) some more. The show, aware this isn’t thrilling, tries to cut this footage into a De Niro-Pacino style face-off where one of them is sure to die in a pool of blood, screaming vengeance at an unfair God by the end. Then they go home.

Later, we’re told the girls’ manager has “arranged for them to try on clothes”. Which sounds a little like work, except when you consider the following: it’s their own clothes, they’re trying them on in their own home, and their manager is their mum. Why has Cheeky Mama arranged this? No idea – but it takes up 10 minutes­, and those 10 minutes consist of the Cheeky Girls in skimpy outfits, so the crew isn’t complaining.

Best of all, we get the following exchange: “So, you had a good weekend?” asks Cheeky Girl Monica.

“Yes, I had a lovely weekend­,” says Gabriela.

“Even when the girls don’t see eye to eye...” begins the voiceover­. You have to laugh.

Now, on to Lembit – the Lib Dem MP “love rat” with a chin that’s having an argument with gravity.

We see him “whisk” Gabriela­ away to Rome for a spontaneous romantic weekend, where he proposes. So spontaneous­, it turns out, the camera crew goes too. And so romantic, a team from Hello! magazine is there as well.

This wonderfully weird mash of politics and “cheeky life” comes to a pinnacle at a party to celebrate both the Cheeky Girls’ anniversary and the recent engagement. 

Lembit says he has to leave early for a Commons vote. Cheeky Mama – perhaps­ taking the lyrics “touch my bum, this is life” too literally – dismisses this Government-vote-that-­affects-all-our-lives thingy with: “Where are you going? When are you coming back? What time?”

He’s in the doghouse, but he rushes back to grin for a photo call. It’s official – in the battle of politics vs celebrity, the Cheeky Girls have won.

Living with… The Cheeky Girls - Living, 9pm

Tonight's TV