The Heart Surgery: My guy’s net shame Naomi Schmidtt

I met my boyfriend on a gay dating website. I’m fine, but he’s mortified and doesn’t want anyone to know. How do I get him to loosen up and not make it such a big deal?

We Say:

In an ideal world, we’d meet our other halves at wonderful ­parties, or through hilarious incidents involving mistaken identities and dropped letters. But we live in London, not a rom-com, and life’s too short.

Firstly, well done for finding a boyfriend. With some of the longest working days in Europe, it’s amazing, when you factor in friends and sleep, that Londoners manage to get any action at all.

Your boyfriend had no problem using the net to find a date, but the stigma of ­meeting on the net still exists. Gently point out you met on the internet, but dated in the real world.

With more people than ever finding a date next to their Amazon order, internet dating doesn’t have to scream: “Hello, I’m a mental.” You’re both proof that’s not the case. Be sensitive to his feelings – if he’s really uncomfortable with it, just say you met on a night out. It doesn’t hurt ­anyone, and you can still tell your own friends proudly.

Finding love in London is the main thing. How you find it, whether by accident, at a party, or on the web, is just the means to an end.

You say:

Simon: Jeez Louise, what’s his problem? Dating sites are the future for busy Londoners ­looking for love. A lot of gay men rank dating sites with STD clinics and your boyfriend sounds like one of them. The truth is you and he found love online, so it’s time both of you were ambassadors for it. I met my boyfriend on Gaydar and I’m happy to tell anyone who will listen because I love him and love like this doesn’t come too often in the capital.

Prathit: Let’s be honest, there’s only so much “dating” that goes on with gay dating ­websites – they are primarily used as hook-up joints, so it’s normal that your boyfriend doesn’t want people to know you met on a hook-up site. Why is it a cause of concern for you? I don’t think it should be about how you met but about who you are. How about making up a story you are ­both comfortable with and sticking to it? We do things for people we love, don’t we?

Alice: I’m intrigued to hear that there’s this stigma among gay people as well as straight ones. I’m envious of my gay friends. They have dates coming out of their ears thanks to sites like Gaydar, whereas I just end up propping up the bar with drunk accountants lunging at me.