Celebrate Un-Birthdays with Oh My God I Miss You

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Go to a masked ball

This Edwardian-style gang has previously put on An Evening of Exquisite Misery and a quarterly seance. Next up is the Hendrick’s Fairy Tale Masked Ball. Prizes for tinkering with the bell, ­reddest shoes, emperor’s newest clothes and most ­enchanted horse.

Last Tuesday Society , Sat 4 July, 10pm-4am, 47 Chiswell St, EC1Y 4SB, £12.50

Explore your feminine side

Last year’s event from club Duckie to coincide with the Gay Pride was a tongue-in-cheek celebration of masculinity: this one’s all about girliness. Multi-task, be ­hysterical, get wasted at the hen party, paint a watercolour of a vagina and do some low-paid factory work at this indoor playground.

Gay Shame , O2 Academy Brixton, Sat 4 July, 9pm-4am, 211 Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL, 020 7737 4043, £15

Join rebel bingo club

At this ultra-serious underground club, members can indulge their vice for “dirty secret hardcore bingo”. You’ll get venue details once you’ve booked.

Underground Rebel Bingo Club , secret location, Fri-Sat weekly, 7pm-12am, £7-£10

Watch theatre underground

The cavernous tunnels under London Bridge station are curated by a different artist each week, and might ­involve anything from ­bacchanalian wine-making to interactive performance. Show up at the secret door in the Tube station ­tonight or tomorrow for site-specific soundscapes, a mock sermon, a talk on comedy, a homage to ­William Burroughs, architectural art and more.

Shunt Lounge , Fri-Sat, from 6pm, 20 Stainer St, SE1 9RL, 020 7378 7776, £10

Celebrate un-birthdays

Oh My God I Miss You DJs throw a regular demented kids’ birthday party, with novelty tunes such as The Birdie Song and Conga, party games such as pass-the-parcel and limbo, and a giant pinata. Dress up as a mental mum or dad in a jumper or a wrapped present.

Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club , 17 July, 9pm-2am, 44 Pollard Row, E2, £8

Let’s all go karaUke mad

In some circles, if you haven’t sung along to I Will Survive with a 50-strong backing band of ukulele players, you haven’t lived. Make that dream a ­reality at this crazy karaoke night in Hoxton.

KaraUke , Underbelly, 23 July, 11 Hoxton Square, N1 6NU, £3-£5

It’s easy to feel gloomy

A weekly club night dedicated to miserable music. Tomorrow, it’s a Pixies special.

Feeling Gloomy , O2 Academy Islington, Sat, 10.30pm-4am, 16 Parkfield St, N1 0PS, 0844 477 2000, £4-£8

Get naked to go clubbing

At this long-running nudie club, everyone has to strip off their clothes and all cameras are banned. Liberating or ­incredibly ­awkward? You’ll have to try it to find out. Have you got the balls to go through with it?

Starkers! , 17 July (third Fri of every month), 65 Goding St, SE11 5AW, £15