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Stay calm to warm a heart by Poorna Shetty. Tuesday, 13 May 2008

The story of boy meets girl, boy doesn’t text or call girl, girl is a frantic bag of nerves and leaves a panicky message on boy’s phone, boy thinks girl is a nutjob, is hardly a new one. But you would be surprised at the number of situations, whether you’re single or attached, that you can defuse if you just calm down. Easier said than done, but Tania Ahsan, author of The Brilliant Book of Calm, which is out this month, says there are a lot of ways you can turn a bad situation around, without being sectioned.

Q. This guy and I have been on a couple of dates. We get on really well. He hasn’t got in contact, and I can’t stop checking my phone or email. What should I do?

Expert advice: “I used to be the same way, but got some good advice from my friend Heathcliffe. He said dating is like trying to feed a deer: if you run after the deer screaming ‘here are some treats, eat them!’ it will run away. On an energy level, if you check your phone constantly, it isn’t good. You need to create a degree of calm and stillness. If you feel the compulsion to check your email, surf the net for the latest film timings, or do a bit of shopping. Act like you don’t care. Unfortunately, it’s also a universal law that once you’re genuinely not bothered about him, he’s going to get in touch.”

Q. My girlfriend won’t stop nagging me about tiny things when she comes home from work. It’s stressing me out but I don’t want to rise to it. How should I deal with this?

“Go to a novelty shop and buy a large pair of bunny ears. The next time s